Do you ever feel like you’ve spent a whole day waiting, rather than a whole day living?
That notion hit me hard earlier this week while I was stuck in an NHS hospital waiting to have a scan to confirm that there was no blood clot in my lungs. The doctors were 99.9% sure I didn’t have one – I lacked all the risk factors, but they couldn’t conclusively rule it out with blood tests.
So, I waited for roughly two days, had the scan done in the nuclear imaging department and had a chest x-ray as well. Then I was discharged and sent home.
They don’t know why I couldn’t breathe on Tuesday; it wasn’t my asthma, but since I recovered and they didn’t find anything life threatening the NHS was done with me.
I cannot remember the last time I had two days with such little contact with the outside world. Yes, I had my mobile (cell) with me and it does have limited internet access, but it’s not the same.
I felt alone, isolated and cut off, but it gave me some time away from the daily grind that gave me some perspective.
On a daily basis I spend far, far too much time waiting for things to happen, usually silly things, that I will happen when they happen, whether I’m sitting around and waiting for them or not. I wait for Nicholas to need his nappy-pants changed. I wait for dishes to dry. I wait for the mail to come. I wait for Rick to text me back about something.
But, I’m not really waiting, so much as stalling in reality, stalling because I don’t know what I want to do, and even sometimes stalling because there is so much I should be doing that I just don’t know where to begin.
Which leads us to the change, the change that needs to happen in my life, the change that I’m going to make happen. I’m not going to wait anymore. I’m not going to wait around for distractions any longer, because that is exactly what most of the things I spend time waiting around for are, distractions from what I should be doing!
Here I am, sick of playing the waiting game, and ready to tackle what I need to do. As cliche as it may be, I find myself ready once again to take on the ‘first day of the rest of my life’ because after all, isn’t that what every day is?